Showing posts with label Conspiracists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conspiracists. Show all posts

Sunday, June 22, 2008

A good guide to shadowy organizations that rule the world

Next time those pesky conspiracy theorists start ranting in your face about Freemasons, Bilderbergers, Trilataterists and Skull and Bonesmen, send 'em packing with some words of wisdom from the Good Guide to the Shadowy Organizations that Rule the World.

In the guide, for example, you'll learn (not that you didn't already know) that while Freemasons are perceived by the masses as the wizards behind the curtain, our real power is next to zero. In fact, it's right next to zero — a one. On the Guide's scale of power, Freemasonry has a Mythical Power of Nine, but an Actual Power level of One.

Check out the hype and the hooey about not only the Masons, but all those other spooky secret cabals.

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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

I want to believe

It's Conspiracy Day at The Burning Taper. Worry and paranoia over everything is just a click away these days. Cult propaganda, government cover-ups, the secret agenda of tour guides — it's all waiting for you online.

Here are few articles that recently caught my eye.

The Wiccans are taking over the minds of youthful members of America's evangelical churches, thanks to Harry Potter, according to a shill for Tim and Beverly LaHaye. Tim, of course, has made a fortune selling his Left Behind series of Christian mythology about what happens on Earth after Jesus returns.

A columnist for Collegiate Times has debunked all conspiracy theories as "laughable myths." Obviously, he's an apologist for the Illuminati.

Philadelphia tour guides have been belled and collared with "registration," and are programmed to tell "hilarious lies" about the history of the City of Brotherly Love.

Here's a link to brief histories of a devil's dozen secret societies, sponsored by the International Institute of Social History. Now does that sound like an Illuminati front group, or what? You'll be an expert in disinformation once you've read these "Cliff Notes" of The Conspiracy.

And get ready to enjoy the new exploits of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. The as-yet-unnamed The X-Files movie sequel hits the big screen on July 25.

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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Conspiracy nuts on parade: '666, the Pope, Anti-Christ & Vatican — for Dummies!'

Sometimes religiously-inspired conspiracy nuts are interesting. Sometimes they're just weird.

An entry on the blog 666, the Pope, Anti-Christ & Vatican — For Dummies! yesterday called "The Roots of Evil in Jerusalem — The New Masonic Israeli Supreme Court" is a little bit of both. But it's the photos that make it worth looking at.

It's a rambling piece, reprinted from 2004, by a Jew who seems to be expecting the imminent return of Jesus. He begins by worrying his "report will shock and upset some; it is one I have put off for over 4 years. After struggling with it I have decided now is the time to write it." Pretty deep emotional territory there.

Then he launches into a fearful diatribe about dark Satanic conspiracies involving Freemasons, the Illuminati, the Rothschilds, the Federal Reserve and the New World Order. There's some weird jibberish about the number 20, where he says three years equals 750 days. He's especially concerned about the diabolically-designed architecture of the Israeli Supreme Court building, built along "ley lines" in close proximity to the Foreign Ministry and the Central Bank of Israel in Jerusalem.

Ley lines, he says, are "lines in geographical places that Witches, Warlock, and Wizards walk claiming for the Devil."

Like I said, this is the stuff of Conspiracy Theory 101.

But it's the pictures that feed the imagination. The complex contains a pyramid with the All-Seeing Eye as well as a Washington Monument-like obelisk and what he identifies as Hindu altars.

Noting there are 30 steps in one part of the building, he writes:
For a moment lets go back to the top of the 30 steps, as we know there are 33 degrees in Free Masonry but the last three are the ones of higher learning and preparations to enter the Illuminati. So as we move from the top of the stairs towards the Pyramid we see a great library with three tiers to those three levels of higher learner. They three final steps in Free Masonry and after that if ones choose to go higher and have been accepted they enter the highest levels of the Illuminati. It is also important in this building to note that the 33rd level ends at the base of the Pyramid.
He calls an oval staircase a "fertility symbol always present in any illuminati structure, often hidden but always there. Much can be said about this symbol and the symbol of the masons with the compass and square with the 'G' in the middle."

Do conspiracists have software that just randomly generates this kind of stuff?

He closes with "Shalom," and asks you to pray for his "ministry."

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Monday, April 16, 2007

'Fundamentalists Say the Darnedest Things!'

Warning: This article contains the F-word.

I found a website yesterday that is not only amazingly amusing, but downright frightening in what it showcases.

Called Fundies Say the Darnedest Things!, this site monitors fundamentalist Christian websites, blogs and forums and re-posts the most absurd things jackasses for Jesus write. The site bills itself as "an archive of the most hilarious, bizarre, ignorant, bigoted, and terrifying quotes from fundies all over the internet!"

These are excerpts from Christian forums, liked Teens-4-Christ.org, Usenet's alt.christnet.christianlife, ChristianForums.com, and countless others. Expect lots of homophobia, racism directed at blacks and Muslims, and thousands of other non-Christlike rantings. The site currently indexes over 14,000 quotes.

To make it easier on you (and your stomach, because you can't read too much of this stuff without getting ill), the webmaster lists the "best" of the quotes each month. Nominate your favorite quotes for awards.

Currently, there are 19 comments up for "awards." Go to this page for the actual links.

  • "Choose Life or I'll Kill You" Award: Paul displays the "Life begins at conception and ends after birth" mentality.

  • "I Define Homophobia" Award: Tiffany09 hates MySpace because it asks which team you're on.

  • "I Love My Cult!" Award: Evangelist is proud to be a member of a cult. Could you please pass the punch?

  • "Projecting Much?" Award: Mosheh_Thezion describes his, er, men's, desires to fuck anything that they can get his, er, their, dick in.

  • "Proud to be a Doormat!" Award: Juanita is oh so very proud of sacrificing all independent thought for God and her husband!

  • "YELLING MAKES ME RIGHT!" Award: HoLy Knight is right, BECAUSE HE CAN YELL!

  • Argumentum ad Populum Award: Jacob1983 thinks that 2 billion people can't be wrong, yet still disagrees with those 12 trillion flies that think stool is delicious.

  • Dim Bulb of the Month: Elizabeth Maxwell's failure to comprehend what a logical fallacy is shows just how dim some bulbs really are.

  • Evil Mother Fucker of the Month: Dr. Jack Hyles explains how and why beating your child is the sign of a True Man of God.

  • Exclamations for Jesus Award: OMG!!! Ashley Brianne talks about the DECAY of MORALITY very EMPHATICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Fundie Debate Tactics Award: Cdevidal tells us all we need to know when it comes to debate.

  • History Revisionist of the Month Award: Mrs. Debbie reveals that Baptists predate all other sects of Christinaity, despite historical proof showing otherwise.

  • Pot and Kettle Award, Bro. Randy tells the Kettle just how black it really is. And describes himself in a nutshell at the same time.

  • Profound Arguement of the Month: BAFRIEND eloquently tells us what he thinks of homosexuality.

  • Prude of the Month Award: TJ finds any sexual act aside from the missionary position to be perversion.

  • Rambo Jesus Award: Jesus is coming back, and this time, he's out for blood!

  • Sigmund "Fraud" Award: Thom319 thinks he's the next Sigmund Freud, too bad his theories make even less sense than Freud's.

  • Teflon Coated Slope Award: The author of Gather.com has coated the slope of gay marriage with a microfilm of teflon.

  • Unintentional Innuendo Overload of the Month: OnMyKnees is in love with Jesus!
The site also has secondary projects called Conspiracists Say the Darnedest Things! and Racists Say the Darnedest Things!

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