May 25: Comet to fall on day Jesus ascended

Like the soon-to-be-drowned unbelievers who laughed at Noah, we're all having a good laugh at Eric Julien's prediction that a fragment of Comet 73-P will fall into the Atlantic Ocean around noon local time (Time Zone Oscar, GMT-2) on May 25, causing underwater volcanos to erupt, leading to a 200-meter high tsunami wave that will reach the British coastline some 12 hours later.

Of course it won't happen... it couldn't happen (could it?). Yeah, it's just something to amuse ourselves thinking about this week. After all, a man who has seen UFOs (like the Biblical Ezekiel) and who receives telepathic messages from otherworldly sources (like every Bible character who claimed to talk to God) is just a crackpot, right? And to believe him would make us crackpots as well, or at least, superstitious, gullible fools. Right? Can I get an Amen!

Oh, by the way, speaking of superstitions....

Thursday, May 25, the Day of the Comet, just happens to also be Christianity's Day of Ascension, which marks the day that a man (either a preacher or a would-be king) who was put to death on a cross (or a tree) and who was miraculously resurrected three days later (if you count Friday night to Sunday morning as "three" days), finally ascended, bodily, into Heaven. A dead man rose from the grave, and walked the Earth for 37 days, we've been told, and then flew like Superman straight up into the sky, never to be seen again except "in our hearts" and when we die.

According to Wikipedia, a few superstitions have grown up over the past two millenia about Ascension Day (which falls forty days after Easter, which, of course, falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the first day of Spring in the northern hemisphere):

• According to Welsh superstition, it is unlucky to do any work on Ascension Day.
• In Devon, it was an ancient belief that the clouds always formed into the familiar Christian image of a lamb.
• If the weather is sunny, the summer will be long and hot; but if it rains, crops will do badly and livestock, especially cattle, will suffer from disease.
• Eggs laid on this day will never go bad and will guarantee good luck for a household if placed in the roof.
• Rain collected on Ascension Day is said to be good for inflamed or diseased eyes.
• Those suffering from goitre should bite into the bark of a peach tree at midnight on Ascension Day, so that the disease passes to the tree and the sufferer is cured.
• Gifts to the blind or lame made on this day are sure to be rewarded with great wealth within the following twelve months.

If the Big Rock does fall, and anyone survives, I'm guessing a future version of Wikipedia might include a new superstition: It's unlucky to go to the beach on Ascension Day.

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