Monday, January 14, 2008

The devil is in the details

[For your listening pleasure, you can click here to open a new window and listen to a demon-possessed MIDI file of "Tubular Bells," also known as "Theme from The Exorcist."]

A few weeks ago Father Gabriele Amorth, the official exorcist of the Diocese of Rome, Italy, announced that the Holy Father would soon undertake a new campaign to combat demonic possession. "Thank God," said the Italian priest, "we have a Pope who has decided to confront the devil head-on."

A couple of days after that, official Vatican spin doctors denied the story, saying, "Pope Benedict XVI has no intention of ordering local bishops to bring in garrisons of exorcists to fight demonic possession."

Father Amorth, who has personally cast the Devil out of someone over 3,000 times in the past 20 years, made news at least twice lately. In March, 2006 he accused a Mr. Harry Potter of being one of Satan's ringleaders. In August, 2006 he told the world that Joseph Stalin and Adolf Hitler were "possessed by the Devil." (Oddly, he didn't point the finger at any current world leaders.)

If Prince of Pitchforks is really taking possession of people at such an alarming rate, why did the Papal pals pull the plug and poop on the priest's parade? I mean, why isn't the Vatican backing Father Amorth, who says that the horned and hoofed hero of the heathen is everywhere?

"I speak with the Devil every day. I talk to him in Latin. He answers in Italian. I have been wrestling with him, day in day out, for 14 years," Amorth said in a 2001 interview.

The Pope himself is no stranger to Satan's influence. Benedict XVI, formerly known as Joseph Ratzinger, was Prelate of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith for many years before being poped a few years ago. The previous name of that organization was The Holy Inquisition, a group famous for giving hotfoots to more than a few sinners over the years. The Pope, as a youngster in Germany, was forced to become a member of the Hitler Youth, and later was drafted into military service by the German Army during World War II. I'm sure he's seen the Face of Evil many times.

So why has he backed down from Father Amorth's exorcism extravaganza?

We need exorcists now more than ever!

Just last week, an Idaho man discovered he bore the Mark of the Beast on his body, and to get rid of it, cut off his hand and microwaved it to a crisp.

And a few days later, in Washington, DC, long a home to Satan, cops serving an eviction notice found a mother of four calmly sitting amidst the rotting corpses of her four daughters, aged 5 to 17. The mom said that her daughters were "possessed by demons" and had died in their sleep, one by one, within a week of each other.

And in Mississippi, a man posing as a traveling preacher is scamming local churches out of room and board and sometimes cash in a diabolical plot reminiscent of the Walking Dude from Stephen King's The Stand.

Clearly, Satan is running amuck.

Even if the Pope quashes Father Amorth's plan to send forth Catholic exorcists across the land to save us from ourselves, we can thank God we have Protestant exorcist Bob Larson still on the job.

But wait! There's more to worry about. We apparently have at least two Anti-Christs walking among us, plus one sitting on your lap or desktop.

The first video proves without a doubt that Prince William, son of Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana, is the Anti-Christ, and will be put on the Throne in 2015, aided by diabolical, numerological Freemasons.

The second one tells us that the Pope himself is the Anti-Christ, as have been all of them since at least the 1930s.

The third video tells us that our home computer is in reality The Anti-Christ. Rut-roh, Shaggy!

The Anti-Christ Prince:

The Anti-Christ Pope:

The Anti-Christ Computer:

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  1. Ratzinger was in the Nazi youth, how do we know HE is not demon possessed and is at the top of the catholic food chain to boot!

    Maybe look to their own leader for the first exorcism of '08!

    if there is a satan, I am sure he would want control over the catholic church.

  2. WS, I find the first and third videos pathetic at best. The second video at least has made an honest attempt to interpret the writings of John in the Book of Revelations.

    I may not agree with the authors interpretation, but at least his video presents his ideas in a reasonably logical manner, unlike the first and third.

    Pray for these people that the GAOTU may grant them some of His Wisdom and for us that the world will be protected from the likes of some of these people.

  3. "If Prince of Pitchforks is really taking possession of people at such an alarming rate, why did the Papal pals pull the plug and poop on the priest's parade?"

    Fantastic alliteration, WS! Were you possessed by inspiration?

  4. I consider myself a Christian. However, I think it is foolish to take the Bible literally. The Bible was written, edited, and reedited by men. That’s a historical fact. As to the book of revelation all one has to do is look at the historical records. Some of the surviving ballots from the council of Nicea are very telling. The Revelation of John barely made it in the Bible, several other apocryphal books came close. In fact the MEN who put the Bible together almost chose the Apocrypha of Peter instead of John’s. There where lots of “end times” books circulating around the early church. MEN put the Bible together to SELL their philosophical goods and consolidate their own earthly power. They’re still doing it today.

    John’s book addressed the issues of his time, not ours. His “Beast” was the Roman Emperor, not some modern day political figure. It scares me to see that people put so much “faith” in this symbolic book about religious persecution going on in the Roman Empire. Personally, I like the philosophy attributed to Jesus Christ. I don’t need all the “magic”. It was put into the Bible sell it to the illiterate masses. In fact I don’t even need to believe that a historic Jesus even existed (…”I am the WORD). My faith needs no magic, no supernatural miracles. READ THE WORDS….the philosophy is a good one. Strive to live it, and stop acting like a bunch of children who need to believe in Santa Clause to get the message of Christmas. It’s time we grew up.

  5. What is the source for the third video? It reminds me of the some of the extremist christian movies from the 70s/80s. (I remember having to see a few of those in school).

    Usually ernest christians with their bad conspiracy theories spouting out their nonsense to the gullable.


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