Thursday, May 24, 2007

'Freemasons rule the world!': Feed me something new

Making Freemasons the bad guys in fiction is nothing new. The anti-mason conspiracy websites do it every day.

But it's being taken to a new height (or new depth) by three Canadian writers who are peddling their screenplay The Establishment online.

Like I said, nothing new. Anybody could have whipped this up in their kitchen.


Mix together:
  • Gary Allen's early 1970's conspiracy classic None Dare Call It Conspiracy
  • The dumbest anti-Mason web page you can find
  • A vague memory of the 1960's TV program Run for Your Life and a rounded teaspoon of the original The Fugitive TV series
  • A random episode of 24
  • A shadowy government organization — sprinkle in a popular flavor from Millennium, The X-Files, Nowhere Man, The Prisoner, or maybe Boss Hogg's goons on the Dukes of Hazzard
  • Character names that Dan Brown would be proud of
  • A period-piece introduction a la National Treasure
Stir in for color:
  • Middle East turmoil
  • Terrorism in Washington, D.C.
  • Detectives Nick and Nora Charles from The Thin Man series, but make them reporters
Blend at high speed with Howard Beale's "hijacking of the airwaves" in 1976's classic Network.

Bake on the Internet using the Eye in the Pyramid from the back of a dollar bill at 400 degrees for a few months, to see if anyone will actually take a bite.

Result: A bland, tasteless chowder that tells us what The Simpsons have already spelled out with Alpha-Bits in a bowl of milk: Freemasons rule the world!

Invest now! It will probably be a hit. Americans love a movie where something blows up.

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  1. OK I had a little chuckle when I read this part:
    "THE ESTABLISHMENT has a great concept and strong basic conflict elements with a lot of potential, particularly because of its well researched based on true world events."
    I'd love to see their research on Freemasonry. If only we were that organized. It might solve many of the problems facing our organization today.
    Note to self: apply as a special advisor to this film...

  2. "It might solve many of the problems facing our organization today."

    WHAT!? Someone has the answer to the question of black-eyed peas or green beans for supper? Man thats great!

  3. im still waiting for a remake of "Brotherhood of the Bell"

  4. Similar to Dan Brown's "DvVinci Code", "The Establishment" tries to gain credibility from the very first frame. According to the screenplay text, the words "BASED ON ACTUAL EVENTS: PAST & FUTURE" fade onto the screen. Joe Sixpack will certainly assume that this is factual.

  5. Did anyone actually take the time to login to the site, download the screenplay, and read it? Unfortunately, I will never get THAT two hours of my life back!

    Seriously, though, it's a very weak piece. If this is the state of proposed screenplays in Hollywood, it's no wonder that so many movies suck so bad.

    The way it's written almost makes me believe that the screenplay itself is just part of a larger attempt to promote anti-masonic propaganda.

    With amazingly naive lines like "Long live 'the Freemasonry', and establishment of a NEW WORLD ORDER!" repeated over and over, just makes my skin crawl. Even if I could suspend disbelief for a while, it's still just bad writing.

  6. A 172 page screenplay? How butt numbing.

    Clue #1: No listing of SHAWN MCATEER, NATALIE WALLACE or SCOTT PARISIEN on the Internet Movie database.

    Think of Max Bialystock in "The Producers."

    Or possibly high school students.

  7. You can see that I am on the IMDBpro now with projects in development, but I still would rather not have my name on this script, as it was completely rewreitten acfter my draft and has not even the slightest thing to do with my original script now, in my defence.

    But I find the freemasons an intriguing bunch with an intriguing history.

    Scott Parisien


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