Monday, April 16, 2007

'Fundamentalists Say the Darnedest Things!'

Warning: This article contains the F-word.

I found a website yesterday that is not only amazingly amusing, but downright frightening in what it showcases.

Called Fundies Say the Darnedest Things!, this site monitors fundamentalist Christian websites, blogs and forums and re-posts the most absurd things jackasses for Jesus write. The site bills itself as "an archive of the most hilarious, bizarre, ignorant, bigoted, and terrifying quotes from fundies all over the internet!"

These are excerpts from Christian forums, liked, Usenet's alt.christnet.christianlife,, and countless others. Expect lots of homophobia, racism directed at blacks and Muslims, and thousands of other non-Christlike rantings. The site currently indexes over 14,000 quotes.

To make it easier on you (and your stomach, because you can't read too much of this stuff without getting ill), the webmaster lists the "best" of the quotes each month. Nominate your favorite quotes for awards.

Currently, there are 19 comments up for "awards." Go to this page for the actual links.

  • "Choose Life or I'll Kill You" Award: Paul displays the "Life begins at conception and ends after birth" mentality.

  • "I Define Homophobia" Award: Tiffany09 hates MySpace because it asks which team you're on.

  • "I Love My Cult!" Award: Evangelist is proud to be a member of a cult. Could you please pass the punch?

  • "Projecting Much?" Award: Mosheh_Thezion describes his, er, men's, desires to fuck anything that they can get his, er, their, dick in.

  • "Proud to be a Doormat!" Award: Juanita is oh so very proud of sacrificing all independent thought for God and her husband!

  • "YELLING MAKES ME RIGHT!" Award: HoLy Knight is right, BECAUSE HE CAN YELL!

  • Argumentum ad Populum Award: Jacob1983 thinks that 2 billion people can't be wrong, yet still disagrees with those 12 trillion flies that think stool is delicious.

  • Dim Bulb of the Month: Elizabeth Maxwell's failure to comprehend what a logical fallacy is shows just how dim some bulbs really are.

  • Evil Mother Fucker of the Month: Dr. Jack Hyles explains how and why beating your child is the sign of a True Man of God.

  • Exclamations for Jesus Award: OMG!!! Ashley Brianne talks about the DECAY of MORALITY very EMPHATICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Fundie Debate Tactics Award: Cdevidal tells us all we need to know when it comes to debate.

  • History Revisionist of the Month Award: Mrs. Debbie reveals that Baptists predate all other sects of Christinaity, despite historical proof showing otherwise.

  • Pot and Kettle Award, Bro. Randy tells the Kettle just how black it really is. And describes himself in a nutshell at the same time.

  • Profound Arguement of the Month: BAFRIEND eloquently tells us what he thinks of homosexuality.

  • Prude of the Month Award: TJ finds any sexual act aside from the missionary position to be perversion.

  • Rambo Jesus Award: Jesus is coming back, and this time, he's out for blood!

  • Sigmund "Fraud" Award: Thom319 thinks he's the next Sigmund Freud, too bad his theories make even less sense than Freud's.

  • Teflon Coated Slope Award: The author of has coated the slope of gay marriage with a microfilm of teflon.

  • Unintentional Innuendo Overload of the Month: OnMyKnees is in love with Jesus!
The site also has secondary projects called Conspiracists Say the Darnedest Things! and Racists Say the Darnedest Things!

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  1. Jesusistanis are almost always amusing, in a Hermann Goering sort of way.

  2. This has made my day. Now I know I'm not crazy they are!!!


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