I knew I should have kept my Masonic nose clean, gotten myself some of those higher degrees, and patiently abided my time until our Illuminati masters from Beta Reticuli tapped me for the secret cabal within the cabal.
By now, I'd be partying in the super-secret subterranean base at the Denver airport and getting free travel across the globe and into outer space in the fraternity's ultra-secret UFOs.
The flying saucer fleet exists. Free rides are available on demand for high-level Freemasons.
I know it's true. I read it on the Internet.
Shhh! Don't tell anyone. It's a secret.
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